Book Review: Marriage Matters: Extraordinary Change Through Ordinary Moments Written by: Winston Smith

By: Dominic Silla

At the end of last semester I was in the middle of choosing classes and I added a counseling class onto my fall semester schedule. Partly out of a curiosity to understand what a Christian marriage counseling is supposed to look like, partly out of a need for 2 more credit hours I decided to tack on “Marriage Counseling.” For that course I was assigned to read the book whose title is at the top of this book review. I was not really sure what to expect, especially since I am a single guy and I did not really have the highest opinion of marriage[1]. This book is, in all likeliness, the most important book I have read in a long time. The book was written by Winston Smith, who works at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF) and teaches at the seminary I attend (he is actually the one teaching the course I am taking at the moment). The book itself was published in 2010 by New Growth Press and is roughly 290 pages in length.

This particular book resonated with me on a personal level because of my past experiences witnessing so many marriage explode or seeing the months or years of damage caused in the aftermath of their dissolution. This book has refocused my view on not only marriage counseling but on marriage itself. Winston Smith begins in a place I must shamefully admit, I probably would not have reflexively started, with the God of Bible. The power behind this book is that it brings the full counsel of God to bear on the ordinary moments of marriage and life. Winston weaves Scripture in and through this book like one would weave a rope. So many people think that the only parts of the Bible that apply to marriage are the parts where marriage is explicitly mentioned…this is a poor approach to Scripture and to marriage. Not that Mr. Smith does not use those portions in his book, he does and he exegetes them masterfully, but we must remember, before we are husband or wife, before we are single or married, we are human beings made in the image of God., children of the most high. Our relationship with God will reflect into the marriage and our relationship with our spouse. When the Bible instructs us to love our neighbor, this includes our spouse. What are the lessons that Scripture teaches us as individuals? These can be and should be brought to bear on the marriage. This is what Winston Smith does here and I am changed for the better for having learned it from this book.

Another stunning concept that I have seen applied outside marriage but have never once heard a marriage counselor state or apply before is the idea that we cannot change what our spouse does outright, but we can change the way we act and respond, by the grace of God. In fact this is hidden a bit in the title, “extraordinary change through ordinary moments”. How does God work? He does so in the everyday ordinary moments. We are impatient beings, wanting things the way we want them, when we want them. This carries over to our marriage. How we view our spouse and our problems with them will reflect back to what our relationship with God looks like! the thought had never truly occurred to me that people can be just a legalistic in trying to fix their marriage as they could be in other areas of life. No, the core of this book has to be the fact that we are reminded to imitate Christ, to love sacrificially, for the good of our spouse, and to love them, as God sees them.

Without giving too much more away, Winston brings us through the idea of God in the ordinary moments into the details of marriage and what a Biblically founded marriage looks like, and what persevering in that biblical foundation looks like. This book is not just a marriage book, it is a theology book, a book on how we relate to God. My mind is drawn to a quote from Cornelius Van Til, “ The Bible is authoritative on everything of which it speaks. Moreover it speaks of everything.” This includes marriage. I think that it is a great book to read for couples or single people alike and I think Winston Smith has done something singularly amazing here. I think that he has crafted a Biblical response to the question, what should marriage look like. He has provided a Christian answer to a difficult question. He has done so in an era where the idea and nature of marriage is itself being questioned more and more, (even by Christians such as myself). This book has reinforced my hope for the marriage covenant in the Christian tradition and I have will not soon forget the lessons that this book has taught me. Truly, Soli Deo Gloria

 

P.S. If you liked this and want to see more from me feel free to peruse my other posts here on my blog! If you want to talk about it or just to say hello feel free to email me at dsilla@student.wts.edu

P.S.S. If you are so inclined please donate or share my fund raising campaign (https://www.gofundme.com/2bj6tvn9) to help me be able to continue my work at Westminster Theological Seminary, that I might faithfully learn to preach the Gospel and draw ever nearer to my Lord! Blessings!

 

[1] I do not mean to say that I find marriage wrong or that I do not wish to get married. I have seen far too many marriages in my life blow up and crumble, including that of my own parents, and too many hurt people for me not to reckon with the idea that marriage means pain.